BOURBON INFUSED NOTES
& CONNECTICUT WRAPPED MUSINGS
ON A MONEY-LESS DATE…
Gentlemen, this article
should be read with neat and very well-aged bourbon in hand. I say this only because after you have
marveled at its entirety you shall feel as if you should have filled a heavy old
fashioned glass whilst lighting up a favorite evening cigar…
Therefore I will at this point digress sufficiently to
afford you time to gather those essential gentlemanly accoutrements…
“PAUSE HERE GENTLEMEN AND GATHER YOUR SMOKES AND SPIRITS”!
Let me recommend that you not resume until you have had at
least one sip and draw… and yes, anon, very good, now we can move forth….
Two gentlemen having nothing better to do than fantasize
about a date the likes of which they had never experienced happened upon a
discussion regarding the awful expense invested in the uncertainty of blind, or
nearly blind acquaintance. Between them
they estimated over the past year alone they had squandered nearly thousands of
dollars on dates. Neither gentleman
could recall exactly what had ever become of any of the dates, as we shall call
them, they had simply evanished into that heavily misted moor where all
forgotten would-be acquaintances dwell… Now whether these gentlemen were remiss
in their responsibility to follow-up on their past beau’s status is an arguable
point which certainly will require another pour of bourbon…. So then let us
pour anon…
They decided that the fragrant plume their cigars should
blow in the direction of the verdict… left or backwards would definitively indicate
they justly moved on to more handsome entries in their black books leaving the
past safely behind them. Plume blowing
right or frontwards would argue that they perhaps should have called upon that
past beau’s at least once to see if they were good for a free coffee… But a far nobler superego interposed offering
that good coffee and bad conversation
are poor a theme for redemption. Second
dates are often inspired by good conversation and/or sex or the promise of good
sex and or conversation based on the first date but they should certainly be
avoided on account of instant and/or Columbian coffee and well… defibrillated intimacy…
“LET US POUR”!
So the confused men embarked upon a date with themselves
vowing they could have a cost-less date or to be clearer, a date that cost them
no money. This was absolutely an
experiment, there was no latent lust, no undeclared love… they were merely two
curious gentlemen embarking upon a quest to discover the inconceivable… knowing
their success would mean the discovery of a true manly marvel, a free date a
date that had no cost, no financial loss whatever. Of course they set out as if mining for “unobtainium”
however as they began to decipher the riddle it began to unfold for them, but
let me reveal that each revelation had come only after a discernably keen sip
of whatever libation filled (or quickly unfilled) their respective flasks, and
nothing could have been more respectable than their flasks…
Transportation was their first category to defeat. How they thought could they manage to pick-up
their date, arrive at their destination, do whatever they would at the
destination and return to their respective domiciles without spending any
money? Had they not been so intent not
to displace their well-positioned chapeau there certainly should have been such
scratching of scalps. But as one
gentleman leant upon his elegant walking stick he got it! “I’ve got it” he said….
To keep the details to a minimum the gentleman decided to
meet at a point equidistant to each other and walk to their destination which
happened to be a lovely key-park. Other
than the tossing of a few old farthings into the riotously frolicking water
folly and trying to predict its trajectory there was as yet no expense incurred
in this excursion of love. They sat conversantly
now walking now sitting now drinking from a nearby fountain that proved marvelously
free… as if both had the same mind they reached for their pocket watches and
politely announced their imminent departure.
Since they came alone there was no cause for pretense so they both
departed alone. Other than the tossed
farthings, one gentleman remarked at tea the next morning, and a slight tear of
my trousers by a rough plank of the park bench there was no expense incurred on
that date.
Well before I conclude this colorful saga allow me to toast
these industrious gentlemen who braved the occasion of walking and perhaps
spending some money on account that they would pioneer a truly expenseless
date!
“TO DATES, TO SUNLIT GARDENS… MOONLIT PONDS, TO FOUNTAINS AND THE LIKE,
TO QUIET WALKS BENEATH THE ELMS, PICNICS ON EMERALD LAWNS, TO HAPPINESSES
ENJOYED IN VIRGIN WOODS, BUT COMING HOME WITH HEAVY POCKETS, NOTHING IS SO GOOD”!
CHEERS!
So our two gentlemen friends did prove a date could be had
with no expense save time itself… I heard them tell it on the green… and had I not
harmlessly eavesdropped then I should not have been able to share this
delightful story with you gentlemen… nor share a fine glass of bourbon and
cigar with you as well. Well done my
good friends and Cheers!
FIN
Written by Bigdaddy
Blues
